Pickup Lines
You must be a parking ticket...cuz you got fine written all over you.
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
Drunk Texts
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i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
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John Stamos
John Stamos once slayed a dragon using only his hair and several posing techniques.
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
Drunk Texts
You are a fucking alcoholic you need to go to A. Response: There are two A's you drunk bitch.
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
Pickup Lines
Is there a mirror in your pants...cuz i can see myself in them.
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
John Stamos
Digital pictures were invented to take pictures of John Stamos, His image on a piece of paper kept setting fire due to extreme hotness.
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
Drunk Texts
"I'll be over as soon as she falls asleep." I sent this text to my wife. It was supposed to go to her sister.
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FML
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone.
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
John Stamos
John Stamos's hair is the accepted form of currency in New Berlin.
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
FML
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain.
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
Drunk Texts
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Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
Drunk Texts
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()
Random
When I was young child my father purchased a beautiful pair of alligator shoes, shortly thereafter they killed my mother.
I Hear Yah! () No One Cares ()